Monday, September 22, 2014

fast forward


Days are crazy. 
I found myself wishing them away last week. 
In my defence, I had a weekend away planned for our anniversary so I was hurrying time along impatiently.
But I know I've been hurrying it along for the last couple of months. 
Because I'm in a season that is difficult. 
I am head first, sinking deep into a unit this semester that I am drowning in dislike for. 
I feel like I am unqualified and uninterested and I just want it to be over.
Finding time to study during the day with an energetic four year old is like digging for coffee beans in the front garden... the chances of finding any are slim to none. And I need them desperately.
And in the evening? I am exhausted
And my brain doesn't function the way that I need it to, and I am imagination-less. 

I have learned this week that although its tough, I need to allow myself to be right here. 
In the exhausting craziness of these three kiddos, and all that life brings. 
Today the sun shone, and the bitter wind blew, and I allowed myself to feel it, instead of hurrying inside to the warmth. 

This season is a tough one, and I'm almost at the end of this semester and I can feel it, but I'm stuck and it's hard and I want to run out of the freezing wind and hide where it's warm.
But today I choose to turn around. 
To turn my face to the bitter wind, let my cheeks get rosy and keep walking, even if it feels like quicksand. 

Meanwhile, I am procrastinating by dreaming of a new birthday camera, writing birthday invitations for my 30th, ignoring corners of accumulating mess and making strawberry jam with a ridiculous bounty of strawberries. 

This too shall pass. 

xx

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Em for your post. I too am struggling, wishing the days away. My husband works off-shore mining, I'm fulltime teaching with some pretty hard kids and just desperate for school holidays. Unlike you I need sun and warmth to remind me to stop and be more thankful for the life I lead. I try to remember that life is seasons and there is always something to look forward to. I'm trying very hard to practice grace as I move into the last week of work before my much needed rest. Barbara

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