I haven't wanted to jump straight back into blogging daily since this post because I've known I need to make sure my internal world is right, before I continue to present it externally.
Because I don't want to pay lip-service and be empty.
Because I know we can present a perfect exterior whilst being dark and twisty* in our innermost being.
And, I don't think I've been dark and twisty.
Possibly more concerned with my outward appearance (more online appearance than physical appearance, but I think they're the same) than my heart, lately.
I lost sight a little bit, but I think I'm gaining it back.
How? Real life. Enjoying. Not needing to capture and post, or update statuses.
Putting my phone down and making eye-contact. Living and connecting.
In real life, I'm enjoying rainy days, baking apple and rhubarb pies, nutting out homework, and possibly bribing 8-year-olds with Minecraft time after school for completing certain tasks, and re-arranging shelves and clearing out drawers. Saying yes, joining in.
Tea-ing with friends who challenge me, who help me to focus on my inner-life and actually realising the speed of which life goes - and determining together to seize the days, moments and seek out joy on purpose.
We're writing a list, of things we need to get out and do, places we need to go out and see. And we're going to gather women who need to get out and see and do, to come with us.
And I'm reading. A lot. Right now I'm reading Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot.
A book about dating and pre-marriage but so much more. I don't think I've thought this deeply about my relationship with God in a long time.
"When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love Him. If I can say yes to that question, can't I say yes to pleasing Him? Cant I say yes even if it means a sacrifice? A little quiet reflection will remind me that yes to God always leads in the end to joy. We can absolutely bank on that."
* Greys fan, anyone?