I don't know if I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Or quite possibly it could have been the night full of interrupted sleep from the three year old that "got booooogggeerrrss". Or maybe it was the epic fight I had with the husband last night over nothing and every thing that made me feel like I wanted to throw the towel in on the whole marriage thing (thankfully, feelings pass, and I don't let them dictate my actions!).
Regardless of what caused it, I was a grinch from the moment my eyes were forced open by a 6 year old who was so excited about Mother's Day that she had to jump on my finally-sleeping body way. too. early.
And I struggled through the day, green and grinchy.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I love the handmade bath salts and cards, and photo frames and all the little thoughtful gifts made at school by super excited, extravagantly loving kiddos.
I love the cuddles, and the "mum's the boss, it's her choice today" over everything.
I love that my thoughtful husband made me breakfast in bed, and that I haven't had to make myself a cuppa all day. That he booked lunch at a cute cafe, and that the kiddos didn't even spill their drinks or fight. Much. Grateful for all of it, honestly.
But scrolling through Facebook this morning and seeing a post along the lines of, "Handmade presents make all the sleepless nights and hard work worth it" I immediately screamed in my mind,
No they don't! No they effing don't! Liars!
Lying to all those not-yet mamas and mamas-to-be.
Yes it is amazing growing tiny humans, and birthing them, and holding and nurturing and feeding those amazing little snuffly beings, and watching them turn into adorable toddlers who start to talk and say the cutest things, and watching them start school, and turn into awesome 8 year olds with the coolest ideas about life. It's amazing!
BUT it is SO HARD. And sometimes handmade crap just doesn't cut it.
They whinge, they demand. They wake up at all times of the night.
We are supposed to meet their every need.
They get sick and our hearts break.
They get attitudes and it takes everything in us not to get just as petty as they are!
Oh I love their sweet little faces, honestly love them with my whole being, plus some.
And maybe I'm the only one who wants to fly into a rage and scream sometimes I don't want to be mum today!
Maybe I'm the selfish one who just wants someone to take care of me for a change.
Someone who will open all the blinds in the morning, and close them at night, and remember to feed the fish, and make the lunches and pick up those shoes that sit at the back door for weeks unless I pick them up and take them back to their rightful place.
I'm not always this grinchy.
But I'm not gonna lie; motherhood is an endless sea of chrysanthemums and shitty days.
Thankfully every day is a new one with the potential to be better.
The potential for me to be more patient, and make less mistakes.
Happy freakin' Mother's Day.