Thursday, March 14, 2013

what if I cant?


What if I can't?
What if it's not good enough?
What if I'm just nobody?

A sea of thoughts swirling today as I struggled to get pen to paper.
My essay is due tomorrow and I think it is finally finished. I have spent all week in what has felt like drawing blood from a stone. And these thoughts coming at me hard made me wonder whether there really was any point to it all. Wonder whether I'd be a good enough writer eventually to get published, even with all this work. If I ever found the guts to submit anything I thought was worth reading. I've voiced my dreams this year, and for the first time since I was twelve actually been proud of them. 
Maybe the first step towards reaching those dreams is admitting them out loud?

And tonight I reminded myself that I was doing something worthwhile. That I was pursuing something that will take work, and effort and dedication.
And I have been proud of the work, and effort and dedication I have proven to myself I actually have if I put my mind to it. 
My phlegmatic self was put to the test this week, and was conquered.

One teeny tiny step in the right direction.

xx











2 comments:

  1. Keep going Em...sometimes those doubts creep in, but knowing that you are doing what you love and passionate about will make it all worth while xx

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  2. It's the passion that Brenda described that drives us but also makes us question our ability. If you maintain your goal and work hard towards it then you will reap the rewards. I'm really excited for you and hope the little successes and the minor setbacks that are naturally encountered work together to drive you forwards.
    Bella @ Sea and Salt
    xx

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