Thursday, September 27, 2012

confession

Confession.
I'm an emotionally needy wife.
A fact a lot more noticeable any time my husband is away.
I felt relieved at his promise to stay in touch by SMS (phone calls from Bali are too expensive!).
I needed to hear him tell me he missed me already, before he left.
I had a restless night, even my subconscious self was well aware of his absence.
Much of the past 36 hours I have felt like a lovesick teenager.
But the three little people I'm responsible for are a constant reminder that I am a teenager no longer!
I am a mama.
Us mamas are important.
We set the tempo, the mood.
We are the stability; when the ground feels shaky, and unsteady.
We are an unwavering source of strength and warmth.
We are the ones that remember; library books, and recess, and notes for teachers, and pocket money, and whether or not the jobs are done.
When Mr 6 realises that daddy is indeed away for almost a week, and refuses to get out of the car until he returns, the mama is the one who continues the usual routine, and throws in a surprise treat for afternoon tea.
She buries her own anxiety, deep, along with the dread of his empty chair this evening, and climbing into bed alone, and firmly fixes a smile on her face.
Because her kids need to know that their mama is unworried, drawing on the Strength and Grace she needs to make home feel like home, no matter who is missing.
That it's okay for daddies to have fun too; that he works hard, and long, and should be rewarded.
And we are reminded to appreciate all that he does, and all that he is, in the yearning and the missing.

Confession.
I am so imperfect at this life thing.
And so thankful that perfection isn't required.

xx

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5 comments:

  1. wow - what a beautiful way with words you have. Absence makes the heart grow fonder - enjoy your reuniting xxx lovely blog x

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  2. It's particularly hard when you have little kids around too.

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  3. I totally get this... I understand. My husband doesnt go away often (but is this weekend) and he does night shifts. I really struggle when he isnt around. I only have 1 little daughter who isnt even a year old, so its easy to hide, but I know i am going to have to grow up and be stronger soon!
    Beautiful post
    x

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  4. Oh Em, you gorgeous & honest soul! I read your words and felt your heart ache. I too often ask for extra strength when having to cope with my hard working hubby's shift work. On our worst days we have to be super fun. I don't believe you're needy. I believe you are a caring mother, who adores her husband & wants the best for her family. x

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  5. I love this! So real. Thanks for sharing. I'm there too some days - struggling to hold it all together in front of lots of little watchful eyes. x

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