Sunday, November 27, 2011

losing heart

Last week I was ready to whinge.
I had a blog post on the tips of my fingers, to write about losing heart, losing hope, and what to do.
I feel like this whole year has been a roller coaster of 
hope: down... no hope left... ooh, there's a smidge of hope... oh, no, wait, hope fading...

I held on. But by what my mum would say, "the skin of my teeth"
Which, reading that now, is a little laughable! I never did understand that phrase!

But I held on.
Knowing that God is faithful, and we don't always have the answers.
It doesn't always turn out the way we expect, or the way we want.
But I trust Him.
A phrase my beautiful friend Jenelle has used often, I really love:
I trust His heart, even when I don't understand His plan.

There is a lot I don't understand.
And to be honest, this side of eternity, I can't be bothered trying to figure out.
I just have to go by what I know.
That I know, that I know, that I know.
I can't have theological arguments anymore... that part of my brain left when I fell pregnant the first time, hehe. And I don't really want to waste time arguing theories, or human theology. Sometimes, there is no black and white.
Other times, black is blacker than black, and white is stark.

I'm rambling I know.

The losing hope thing?
I didn't.

And this verse about sums it up.

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
that I would see the goodness of the Lord 
while I am here, in the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage; And He shall strengthen your heart"
Psalm 27:13-14

I believe.
I've seen His goodness. 
I see it every day when I look at my children.
When my husband kisses my cheek.
I believe I'll see it in other areas of my world.

The recurring theme in my heart right now is:

Don't give up the ship.

Don't you, either.

1 comment:

  1. Em that's such an apt verse, perfect. The more you get to know Him, the less you'll ever want to give up. You are right in not overthinking stuff, you will learn, little by little, experience by experience. Nobody can touch your heart like He can or create a universe. He is big and He loves you so much..and me too.


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