Monday, June 13, 2011

{on my heart}

I decided to read through the gospels a while back. Really read them. Study, and… selah [stop and listen, pause, ponder, think, muse, chew over] Let God speak.
I didn’t get very far through the book of Matthew before I had a whoa moment. Chapter 4 specifically, verse 20.

“And Jesus, walking by the Sea of Galilee, saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. Then He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” They immediately left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, menting their nets. He called them,  and immediately they left their boat and their father, and followed Him.

Now. I was struck by the immediately thing.
These guys were just doing their thing. Living their lives. And they gave it all up at a single call. They left their careers for a start, and their families (their father!), to become a disciple of Jesus. Madness! To follow a man… It is crazy they would trust him. It’s crazy they would hear his call and be lead. It’s crazy they just believed.

And then there’s me. I know the end of the story. I’m not hearing the voice of a man, but of the Son of God – the one who rose from the dead. So why then, does it seem so hard to follow?! To just trust?
Don’t get me wrong, I believe. I know, with complete surety who my God is, who Jesus is. But sometimes, just sometimes, I have trouble trusting.
I avoid disappointment by holding back – or so I think! I would rather be disappointed in myself for not having enough faith, than disappointed in God for not coming through in the way I expect Him. I know without a doubt that God can, but my uncertainty lies in the question, “will He?”

And the answer is still a small ‘I don’t know’.
I don’t know if we’ll get the miracles we’re needing right now… or if God’s hand will be motionless, so that we put our heads down and work to change the circumstance ourselves.
But I came to a point the other day where I thought, “What have I to loose?” If I believe hard, if I put to faith what I’m believing for, and am disappointed? I will still trust Him. But I can’t stay complacent. I need to fight a good fight. And a good fight is one that I fight my absolute best.

I don’t know the answers to all my ‘Why?’s’, but I know the answer to the ‘Who’, and that’s all I need.
I suppose that’s all the disciples needed to know too, when they immediately dropped their nets, and followed Him.


{linking up with Casey at The Wiegand's}



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